team-ketchup:

The friendzone is where you treat a woman like a human being, especially after you’ve had a chance to take advantage of her, you tell her how you feel, and she says she likes you as a friend.

Telling me it doesn’t exist is like telling a homosexual they have a choice.  Fuck you.

Yes! So true!

After you go through all that for a woman. Repeatedly not raping her even though you totally could have a bunch of times (you are so nice!!!) and not treating her like pond scum, and totally like respecting her dignity and … ovaries … and stuff. And then she welches on the love and sex that you totally earned!!!

That is exactly like systemic oppression of homosexuals.

I’m not talking about not raping a girl.  I’m talking about not taking advantage of her emotional vulnerability.  This isn’t about sex.  It’s about trying to have a relationship with a girl.

No one DESERVES a relationship.  It’s not about what a person DESERVES.  It’s not about EARNING anything.  It’s about hearing a girl whine about how badly she wants a nice guy to date, so you be a nice guy and then ask her out and she responds that she likes you as a friend.

It’s not a law of nature, but that shit happens.  As sure as homosexuals are systemically oppressed, nice guys are turned down when they ask girls out.  I didn’t imply the societal implications are the same.

Ok, real talk.

I don’t think any of the numerous people who are agreeing with the essay that you said ‘fuck you’ to really expect you not to be sad about rejection. When you want to date somebody and they don’t want to date you, that is sad stuff and you have the right to be sad about it. Nobody is telling you otherwise.

That said, ‘Nice Guy’ and ‘friendzone’ are BOTH loaded phrases. Many of the women commiserating here have likely been accused of stringing a guy along by trying to be friends with him. Many of them have seen dudes they thought were nice turn hella bitter upon rejection. And, like me, most have seen the word ‘friendzone’ appear with these transactional, shallow attitudes, beliefs that ‘merely’ getting to be someone’s friend isn’t worth it.

After enough of this kind of bullshit from Nice Guys, they’re going to start seeing warning flags. Characterizing oneself as a Nice Guy can mask a manipulative, entitled attitude. If you think it’s inconsistent or hypocritical that your friend won’t date you even though she said she’s looking for a nice guy, you may need to remind yourself that attraction isn’t that simple. Consistently demonizing the people your friend dates as ‘jerks’ when their problematic behavior may be more complex may betray a failure to understand the situation and possibly even a lack of empathy toward your friend. (Pee Ess please read these articles.)

So if you’re characterizing the ‘friendzone’ as “Someone you were interested in asking to be your friend instead of your lover,” then technically it does exist. But it’s characterized so often as an attack, an act of injustice, an unfair way to cheat good men out of what they richly deserve, that it now has a stigma that’s not going away. That is the myth. And if you feel insulted and angry that people don’t want to hear about the friendzone, you might want to consider why it’s so valuable to you.

Cheers.

P.S. - I’ve still gotta call out your analogy brah. Nice guys getting turned down is not a systemic problem. Most of the kind, caring, empathetic people out there learn how to communicate and end up in good relationships. Gay people have to deal with bullshit from strangers their entire lives. Why not compare it to, I dunno, losing your job?

(Source: lolsnaps.com, via six-gummie-bears-and-some-scotch)